You Are Not Alone: What Every Woman Needs to Know After Sexual Betrayal

If news or discovery of your husband’s repetitive infidelity has shattered your perception of your husband and your marriage, you need to hear that you’re not alone.  You will feel very much alone, but the Lord has not abandoned you.  You will have a lot of very honest prayers with your heavenly Father, but you can know that he is still there.  You can know his heart grieves along with yours.  This was not his plan for your marriage either. 

You may suffer alone because the struggle is humiliating to share with friends or family.  While you need to be careful who you open up to, never suffer in silence by yourself.  You will need a community of close friends and a good counselor who specializes in betrayal trauma to help you through this. 

You may feel alone in your marriage.  The man you’d trusted with all your heart was hiding some terrible secrets from you.  While you were completely open with him, he was not completely open with you.  He doesn’t understand the hurt he’s caused you.  He may seem deeply sorry, and he may not.  Regardless, you are never alone. 

Satan loves to whisper lies to the children of God when they are in deep pain.  It’s the easiest time to deceive us, when we can’t see past our hurt and the pain threatens to swallow us whole.  He fills our head with doubts.  Does God really love you?  Why didn’t he protect you?  God will reject you just like your husband did.  Friend, don’t believe Satan’s lies.  Scripture tells us 365 times to not be afraid.  This is no coincidence.  Our Father knew what a struggle it would be in this life.  You will have a lot of fears in the light of discovering frequent betrayals.  However, God wants you to know that he will never let you walk this road alone.  No matter what happens, he will be with you.  In the midst of your deepest darkness, he will comfort you.  He won’t just heal your hurt a little bit or help you be just ok; he will bring you to a place of abundance and joy.  I know it doesn’t feel possible now, but God is always working what man intended for evil for our good and his glory. 

Know that you’re not the only woman in church on Sunday morning whose husband’s arm is around her while she’s trying to not break down in a pool of tears.  Or punch her husband in the face.  Or both.  With all manner of pornography and dating apps in the palm of every person’s hand, the havoc that pornography addiction and sex addiction wreaks on marriages and families is becoming increasingly common.  It’s just that few are willing to talk about it because of the shame they take on from their husband’s sin. 

Not long before our separation, our pastor preached a series and kept reiterating the theme, “Christ is our only hope.”  These words became a lifeline to me in the months following my ex-husband’s disclosure of his sexual sin.  Christ is always our only hope, but every wife who has discovered that lies and cheating were going on in their marriage for years needs to know that no matter what happens in her marriage, Christ is our hope.  He will be faithful even when your husband is not.  He will never leave you in your pain, even if your husband does.  He will never reject you, even though the pain of your husband’s sexual addiction stings like a thousand rejections. 

The one who saved you from your sins will walk beside you and carry your sorrows.  (Isaiah 53:4)  “Your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name.”  (Isaiah 54:5) The Lord who “inhabits eternity” also dwells “with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.”  (Isaiah 57:15) 

Hear the hope in these verses.  Regardless of what your husband chooses to do, God will be with you.  He will revive your heart and help heal the hurt that’s been done to you.  My hero in the faith, Elisabeth Elliot, stated that we can understand the heart of Christ a little bit better when we’ve suffered on account of another’s sin.  Your husband’s sin had nothing to do with you; I’ll touch on that in another article.  No matter what happens – you are not alone, and you will never be alone.  Walk in that hope and confidence today.